dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
