It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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