Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize