i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
