my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did i walk over a car last night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize