I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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