why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
