after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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