I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize