he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
