Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
NoShamevember. You game?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
