So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
