On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
