hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize