I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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