Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How's work?
Spinning.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
