My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
