You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Pooping to opera.
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