I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
