holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
