She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Im part way to drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
