Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
