This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
