i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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