Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
