all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
