My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
