Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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