my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
