after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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