When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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