As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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