I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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