youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
