If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize