btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are two peas in an std pod
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize