I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
