she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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