As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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