Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
