I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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