bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
