Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
