At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
