four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
