Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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