doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
