We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
