I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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