you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
