bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont even know how to be here
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
