Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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