Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
