hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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