I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
