my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
