but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize