Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
