just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
