I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
