Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
