theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
