Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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