No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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