I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
