Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
