More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
