the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
