4 words: hood of his car
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
