I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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