You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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