God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
