You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
