So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
