see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
