Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
