i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
