then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My dick has a subreddit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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