On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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