You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
