Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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