if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
