dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
