When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
