i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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