I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize