Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
