I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
