You just made me feel so damn special
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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