Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
