Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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