in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
