Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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