Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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