just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
