So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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