She is in my trunk
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
