im about as happy as oj after his trial
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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