Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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