I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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